I am alone. I have spent most of my life helping people, being kind, yet being fearless and independent. It’s a tough spot to be in. Being nice to everybody around me helped me build many lifelong friendships, I don’t burn bridges. However, in the process I started to lose myself. Why, you may wonder. It seems to me that people love when you are kind, but don’t appreciate when you stand up for your opinion especially if it opposes theirs, or if it is the trending “unpopular” voice. The mere existence of “cancel culture” is disgusting to me. It only shows the lack of tolerance on behalf of the “canceling” people.
I have always been the “middle of the road” kind of gal, I like to be reasonable, listen to both sides of a story and then form my own opinion. That’s why I always had a hard time standing on one side or the other of a party. That is also why I stay out of political or economic discussions. There are truths to each side, and it seems that the trend is to stick to one side or the other out of loyalty (or fear of ridicule) instead of being reasonable and come up with real solutions. I trained for mediation, and find that without giving on each side, there is no conflict resolution.
It has been very difficult not having real peers in my immediate proximity. I love my friends but I feel lots of judgement coming from every direction. A true friend, in my book, accepts you as you are, and supports you in what you decide to do. It is also important that you are surrounded by like-minded peers. My true peers are individuals like Louis Hay, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Ghandi, Buddha, Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, Shefali Tsabary, Nelson Mandela and the like. These people have or had truly good intentions, helped, lead, and inspired. My like-minded heros, peeps! Another thing they have in common is that they all were the change they wished to see happen, and they made it happen without violence. That inspires me!
I would love to have people around who have the same appreciation for these people. I have a lot of friends and love them all. But somehow, I am not feeling the love in reciprocity. I don’t even feel acceptance. I feel like I am standing on a small island by myself unwilling to step onto the land of any of these two very divided groups. I am sure the current environment of the coronavirus, the Black Lives Matter and the Madman as president magnifies all of these issues and divisions.
The last four years built the largest division in this country I have ever seen since I moved here almost 30 years ago. I see so much hatred, so much frustration and anger that it saddens me to a point of heart break. I can’t take sides here, because both parties, democrat and republican are equally at fault. Both sides are acting out of spite and greed and neither party is willing to be reasonable for the good of the country. That is selfish and disheartening.
On the coronavirus issue, people are divided. I have done a lot of reading on both sides of the argument, and I also see what’s going in Europe and other countries. My way of dealing with a difficult situation is to put everything on the scale. What do we gain and lose if we re-open vs what do we gain and lose if we shut down the entire economy and the country for an extended period of time. So far, re-opening wins every time. This is not based solely on money. The effect of the shut down on individuals, kids, families and small family businesses are so dire that nothing will tip over the scale. This country used to be about survival and self-improvement. Now it’s more about expecting and feeling entitled that somebody should take care of us. What happened? As a registered Democrat, I would love to ask my fellow Democrats, how do you see us coming out of this if we shut the whole country down for a year? Close schools, close jobs, let the unemployment rate increase even more? How many people will kill themselves (and possibly their families) because they don’t see a way out? How far should we let this go? But I can’t ask that. If I do, I am an irresponsible person who gets shamed! Guess what? I don’t want to be judged. You looking at me with the look of I don’t care about other people is judgmental, uncalled for, and an accusation that you know is untrue, if you ever spent more than 5 minutes with me.
For Republicans, as an ex-Republican, I would say, why is it so hard to do the diligent thing and put that mask on? I hate the mask and many doctors do claim that it is horrible for you to wear one for an extended period of time. However, if that’s what we are asked to do for now, why does the ego have to be so strong? You say you have rights too. I think we all need to wake up and realize that democracy is a utopia. It does not exist. It is not possible for everybody to have their rights enforced. You enforcing your rights tramples on my rights. Guns are the perfect example. You have the right to bear arms, right? I have the right to live without fear when walking on the street. Yet, if you have that right to carry a gun, my right to walk around without fear is non-enforceable. And the list could go on. Both ways.
At the end of the day, we should all just live in a way that is pleasant for all of us and not hurting others. That is being a conscious citizen. Accepting and respecting other people’s opinion without agreeing with them is being a conscious citizen. Finding all the things we have in common or that we agree on is being a conscious citizen. It shouldn’t be so hard, if we all just tried. And as for the virus, let’s just admit that nobody really knows what’s going. You can find doctors on either side of the spectrum.
Black Lives Matter movement started out great. I was fully behind it. I do believe that everybody must have the same rights. I still do believe that. However, my prediction is that it will go nowhere. Why not? Because it’s done the wrong way using the wrong methods. Your future does not equal your past unless you chose to live in it. This wise comment from Tony Robbins is true for individuals, cultures and groups of people. The protesters are stuck in the past. Walking around with signs of past reminders will do no good. I wish it did, but it only angers people. Taking off statues, ruining art, is simply barbaric and will not change anything. Still stuck in the past. Whatever we have standing is part of this country’s history. Sometimes, history is ugly, but a good reminder never to let certain things happen again. Unfortunately, some of these statues have nothing to do with the Movement, so making it a part of the that past also shows ignorance. Educate yourself! Creating an agenda, finding a strong leader who will lead the Movement the right way is the only way that points to a bright future.
In addition, it is absolutely critical to take responsibility for one’s actions. It is no secret how many black single mothers raise their children alone, how much violence goes on in some of the black neighborhoods. We all grow from within. Playing the victim along with blaming others is not going to provide any benefits. Obama and other black leaders are first to admit these issues and urge to take responsibility. Again, true for individuals as well as groups.
To further add to this point, I was so disappointed when the peaceful protests turned into violence and a systematic destruction of New York City, the beloved city I live near. I don’t see what that would accomplish and I certainly don’t understand what kind of person would agree with that. My peers I listed above would certainly disagree and I am happy to add Martin Luther King to this list. Violence is never the way. I find it despicable that it is being done every day, and I find it even more despicable that the Mayor does nothing about it, so he can stand proudly with his party’s popular beliefs. It is beyond immoral.
I don’t know how this chapter of the Movement will end, but from the bottom of my heart I hope they manage to build an agenda, find a leader and make it happen in a peaceful way. But again, my opinion above is reasonable, so don’t judge me. I love some of the Facebook postings making comments about white people having privilege. What a general, unintelligent over-generalization! Great example is my life. I grew up behind the Iron Curtain, under the oppression of communist Russia. Privileged? I don’t believe so. I came to America alone with $20 in my pocket, worked my butt off every single day of my life, from cleaning, to babysitting, to waiting tables, to working different jobs, without any help from anybody. And I put myself through college and law school education, again with no help from anybody. Privileged? I don’t think so… As an attractive woman, getting harassed or abused at several of my jobs, still having to continue. Privileged? Not so much. Should I continue? I won’t. But please do not call me privileged because I have white skin. It’s really a reflection on you, not me. We all work very hard and do the best we can to make a better life. And most importantly, we make our own choices. We always have a choice. I chose to not look back. I chose to always appreciate the moment and everything I have, and chose to always work on self-improving to better my family’s life.
And then we have Trump. A mentally ill person with the mind and behavior of a 3 year old. There were many presidents whom I did not like and some I did. But none of the presidents I have seen were this classless, without any human decency. What upset me even more was the idea that the fact he got elected shows the quality of the people living in this country. Human decency is not a factor in choosing a leader. Traditional American values were not a factor in choosing a leader. This country has chosen a leader who is self-serving, conniving, and ready to destroy anything and anybody who comes in his way. Not in the country’s way, his way. Acting in the best interest in the country is no longer the “right” thing to do. I find this problem on both sides. Republicans and democrats alike follow, like sheep, their respective party’s popular opinions and unwilling to think for themselves. I am starting to wonder, unwilling or unable? Are we being dumbed down? All information is fed to us, and we are just too lazy to do our own research, retreat into our commonsense corner and think for ourselves? I believe most are. So sad. Many of the Republican principals make sense to me, but the ones based on certain people being superior to others don’t. I believe we all must start out with the same rights. Regardless of color, religion, sex, sexual preferences, etc. To think differently is simply ignorant and proves that the person thinking this way is inferior and has no self-esteem. But I also believe that what you do is your choice. I believe in achievement and working hard. You shouldn’t feel entitled to anything, unless you put something on the table. Choose to work hard, and choose to be happy no matter what. You have choices! Empower yourself! Let’s all come to the table together with a positive attitude and good intentions. Have love and compassion for each other and let go of your ego. Then together, we can live side by side, interconnected and in peace!
